Miracles in so many ways

"Cancer I did not give you the right to invade my body and to take a bite.
This is my body and with all of my might , I will prevail with one hell of a fight.
To the cancer inside , I will battle and kill. For that is my body's God given will. To my cancer , these words I do send. Your life is short and near the end."

Here I am after surgery processing all the miracles that have occurred. I'm going to try to go back over the last 4 days to process all the events.
The night before: We stayed with Chip and Debbie's, the ultimate hostesses. I was very anxious. I couldn't decide what to eat, where to go, I burst into to tears every 15mins. I feel like I had to make the night incredibly momentous and I just felt frustrated. I try to do my breathing exercises to calm down, It kind of helps. We swing with the dogs in the hammock for and hour before we go to sleep. Sleeping is not easy.
Aug 1st: I wake up early and take Crayola washable Markers and draw a NO! on my right breast and a sad face on my left with big blue eyes. Its my first laugh of the morning.
We arrived at 8am at Huntsman. Surgery was set at 10:00am. We meet up with Ann my "professional photographer" who took pictures of the the whole event. Dr. Neumayer asked her to be there to take pictures for a educational book for pre-mastectomy patients. It feels good to be apart of something that is not just for me, but to help other women cope with the loss by my example. She is really sweet and very fun to have her in the room. She is a great distraction from the anticipation of the surgery. She gave me a stuffed animal shark and called it "fierce" in my honor, she thinks I'm tuff. She loves my boob face, states "that's perfect, that's so you"! Ann has put together a play list on her Ipod for medicinal music for me to listen to when I'm on the chopping block. Songs included are "I can help", Mo tab and much more. She will be with me the whole time, that's comforting. We all kneel together on the hard floor to say prayers. It feels good to connect with Heavenly Father before the chaos begins. I feel peaceful. I know there are so many praying and fasting for me. Dr Neumayer comes in wearing big blue rain boots with cute strips. I ask her if it is because she gets messy, "no its just a fashion statement" She brings in the radioactive injections and dye needles for the centental node test. She gives them to me before Dr. Morgan Anesthesiologist starts sedation. I want to KILL HER! I have never felt so much pain in my entire life. My body felt insulted. I'm going to ask her why she did it before the sedation. Dr. Morgan comes in he is so kind and thoughtful we exchange niceties. He gives me the happy injection and I cant remember ANYTHING! Rob tells me I'm pretty goofy.

I wake up and I'm Euphoric! I'm alert. This feels to good to be true. Dr. Morgan is a genius! When I get to my room I ask to walk around. I take 2 trips with two laps. They tell me to start slow on food intake with water, and jello. I order a smoothie and go right for dinner. I have no nausea and I feel great! . I notice around 6pm Anesthesia's starts to wear off when I express gratitude to staff and family and friends , tears well up and I become this emotional bomb and explode. The nurses are so understanding. They start me on an IV antibiotic and and I start to get itches!!! They put me on benadryl. Doesn't work. Its uncomfortable.
Stephanie comes over to visit me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Its so nice to see her! We walk her to the elevator with the IV pole. Chip and Deb come over with fresh fruit and we play two round of cards. I still feel at peace

Saturday: They tell me I can go home today if I want. I decide to stick around. I put on my chocolate silk Pj's, a gift from my friend Michelle. They feel great and they make it easy to move around in the bed. I take a good nap and faithfully, Chip and Deb come over again to talk and laugh. I love having family around. Debbie is so good at giving me tender little motherly kisses and they mean the world to me. We stay the night. Rob is able to stay the night on a decent little pull out bed .

Sunday: Time to leave. I feel like I have been at the Huntsman hotel. With 5 incredible nurses and good food and excellent care . I don't want to leave. We attend the 30min LDS church services in the chapel downstairs. There's a young man down there in a wheelchair with a huge open wound in his head. I cant help to feel grateful it was only in my boob. The rest of the day was miserable. I'm itchy I want to be quiet in my bed and sleep, I'm anxious and nothing feels right.

Surgery Results (Posted by Rob)

Shauna is out of surgery and waking up. Surgery went very well. To quote her doctor, "The breast came right off." They checked 2-3 sentinel lymph nodes and everything was clear. They will do a more thorough examination of those but that is a very good sign. They will also look more closely at the tumor and make sure that it has good healthy tissue all the way around (clear margins) and if everything looks good, Shauna will be in the fast lane to recovery.

Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers.

Pre-op Video

Antics from surgery waiting room.

Thank you for all the prayers. They will work! I love you all.

Water Therapy

I am hitting all my therapies. Pet therapy...music therepy... and today, water therapy. I'm leaving no stone unturned. One more day until surgery..

MRI and genetics counseling July 17th

I'm using my as my journal, so I'm back tracking a little. Forgive the disconnect.

July 17th we head to Boise AGAIN! to St. Luke's for the very important, "Lets look and see if there's anything in the right breast we have to worry about too" test- MRI. If there is then maybe a bilateral mastectomy is a good idea, if not that I can save a boob!!!!! Although, I'm still waiting for the genetic counseling and possible test that states whether I have the breast cancer gene. CAN YOU SEE THE ROLLER COASTER I HAVE BEEN RIDING?!?

7:45am, It is the first appointment of the day. I'm nervous. They are going to, stuff ME in a metal pipe, MRI, for 45min and tell me not to freak out. My man Ray, the MRI tech is great, fun, joking, playful, but I feel confident in his skills, don't know why. I still notice his concern for me. I see his sadness when we go over my medical history. He tells me the procedure that I will be doing will include the Fort Lauderdale college drunk chest flash, soon so I have to take all my upper stuff off, and put on a sheet shirt. I'm directed to an IV room and I'm thinking what?! Poking in my veins for a picture? Not mentally ready for this! He tells me they will shoot me with some radioactive chemicals for the MRI to detect certain abnormal things. He tells me for now its just a saline drip but later when I'm on the table for 30min they will come in and give my the charged stuff.

We walk into the MRI room I have to face down. There is a frame on the table. Made especially to cradle each breast. I have lay like superman. I'm wondering if I can hold it like this for 45min. They tell me if I move at all it will ruin the slides and I will have to come back another day. I cant wait! It took two weeks to get this appointment. I freak! I guess that what they want. I flash Ray while I get all nuzzled in and fly backwards, unlike Super woman on the table. Isn't that ironic? Then I'm assaulted by sound. BUZZZZ, BIP, BIP, NUZZZ,BUMMMMMM. I feel like it is shaking my core, my balanced energy is being scrambled like eggs. I draw upon my mediation training and imagine being on a ocean beach breathing in the salt sea air, watching the seagulls. It helps A LOT! I begin to understand others phobias of this machine.

They come in 30min into tell me not to move, but they are going to give me that radioactive goo. Okay hit me. Then it comes, cold rush, through my brain, makes me want to urinate. OH no!!! I feel dizzy. I remember I have been juice fasting for 4 days. It will hit me harder! I try to breath through until it goes away.

15min later they pull the tray. Its not Ray, a woman who barely talks to me. I just want to know if I did okay. She says "oh sure". Like its no big deal. I want to pinch her. It was a big deal. They walk me past the monitors I see my rainbow colored breasts. I can't tell a thing but I look just in case I can. She won't tell me anything, probably because she cant. Shes nice just quiet.

I dress. In an hour I have an appointment with the genetics counselor Jennifer at the Mountain states Tumor Institute. It is on the same campus as the hospital. She wonderful. She first starts telling us the history of the gene evolution and states the some adaptions were made to help us survive. For example the sickle cell anevolved to help African to fight Malaria. We just don't know why cancer genes purpose is.

She states that she is suspicious that because I was diagnosed so young and my sisters cancer leads her to believe I have a 15% chance it is genetic. She does the whole pedigree chart with me even though I wrote a whole book about it prior to the meeting as requested. Because I have no breast cancer on my mothers side, aunts cousins, that a good sign. But because my father had no siblings we can look at his side that increases my risk by another 10%. Just looking at what my family tree has to not show me she thinks I should take the blood gene test. Costs $3000 but my part would be about $300-$500. I look at Rob he has a look of "there no question, we will do it", in his eyes. They tell I don't have to decide until my insurance gets back to me what my price will be. They take my blood. Here is the bad news. If I do have the gene then there is 50% I will get breast cancer in the other breast and a need to take out my ovaries as well, because they are the producers of the dangerous estrogen food. I would most likely get ovarian cancer too. I will become a boy in girls clothing. If things just didn't look any worse.

On our way down to Utah to meet a 2nd opinion Dr. Neumayer at Huntsman Hospital, out of no where rob looks at me and states "You don't have the gene". I said "Okay"! and felt it!

July 31st Turned out i had to pay $600, 20%, and I'm NEGATIVE! No breast cancer gene. Jennifer also stated that there are 30,000 genes and we were only able to track down two. Because you don't have the breast cancer genes we know about doesn't mean you might not have some kind of cancer gene. I was advised to still tell my siblings to tell their kids that they should get checked starting at 25. I think that freaked them out a little. SO I ask myself why? Why my sister and I ? and so close in time? Exact same cancer as well? Right now I just want to revel in the fact I can keep the other one. HA!

Sun Valley Adaptive Sports is my smiles!

The third call I made, after I found out that I had cancer, was to Tom Iselin the Executive Director and my boss of Sun Valley Adaptive. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Dont worry, we will help you with what ever you need! We know people in the cancer industry. "Then, I was told from now I would be a shadow at SVAS. "We will be lucky to have you when we do. You will also stay on full pay". I was in shock! I thought I might have to go on disability. I was fearful what a finincial toll and impact this would be on my performance. SVAS gave me an enourmous gift of peace. SVAS let me know that I am valued enough to be taken care of and they do! Thank you to the board, Tom, Cara, Jean, Kate, Marianne, Aubrey and Greg have been true work family.

I just want to mentions more miracles from work:

Hayward Sawyer, board president calls and emails me all the time and made sure to connect me with Charles Weaver from Cancer consultants. http://patient.cancerconsultants.com/

Bill Norris , another board member, asked if I would like to meet the founder of the "look good feel better foundation. I foundation desigened to help "make over" women going through cancer treatment. http://www.lookgoodfeelbetter.org/general/history.htm

Tom checks up on me to see if I was taking a hike, or enjoying the beautiful weather, or getting fresh air or getting my 50 grams of complete protein. He also makes sure the financial burden of cancer is not to overwheleming. Thank you Tom!

Cara always letting me off the hook. She is has taken off my stress load, which helping in the fight. She has also been a wonderful friend to laugh with. It was her idea to have every one at the kickball tournament wear pink ribbons in my honor.

Jean is our inter-office massues! Man! does she give me the back rubs that truelly heal.

Kate lets me laugh with her and reads my blog! She also gives great healing gifts such as my juice plus supplements.

Marianne, I have proclammed her my nutritionist! Plus, another sweetheart that lightens my load.

Aubrey our intern and her husband Greg have become deep and lasting friends. They have done so much for me this summer. I can always count on them for anything, including a place to vent and then help to redirect my frustrations as well. They have taught me a lot. They just brought in 10 of our summer camp kids into the office with a poster and flowers. All the kids chimed into "We love you Shauna!" then a giant hug. That was another healing miracle. I wish I could pack them in my suitcase and take them with me to Huntsman.


Could I be more BLESSED!

*An added side note this year at the annual Wood river kickball tournament my collegues got everyone to wear pink ribbons in my honor. It was a beautiful and thoughtfull surprise. Thanks you Cara for your compassion. You can check out what the local news papers reported

http://www.mtexpress.com/index2.php?ID=2005121835.

Mobile Blogging

Music is therapy, so are dogs. This is my friend Yogi. We were at an outdoor concert in the park. The purpose of this post was to figure out how to post from Rob's cell phone so that I can add updates from the hospital.

Update from Rob

I wanted to give everyone a quick update on Shauna – although it is mostly old news I don’t know who knows what.

Surgery is now just a few days away - Friday, August 1st at the Huntsman Clinic. Shauna was given the choice of left side mastectomy or a lumpectomy. With the lumpectomy you have to go through 6 weeks of daily radiation treatments of which she wants no part. She elected the mastectomy. The surgery will begin with a sentinel node biopsy so that they can identify if the cancer has spread. They send the sentinel node off to the lab for testing while they perform the mastectomy. Prior to the completion of the surgery, they will know if the sentinel node is involved. If that comes back positive then they will do a more thorough axillary node dissection – essentially removing 10-20 of her lymph nodes. If it comes back negative, they finish up and send her to recovery. She will stay 1-2 nights in the hospital and have a checkup about a week later. We will head back to Ketchum when she is feeling up to the drive. I am guessing about 10 days after surgery.

We are still waiting to hear back from the genetics lab. She was tested to see if she had the “cancer gene” which would mean strongly considering bilateral mastectomy instead of just removing the left side. We would prefer to get the news before Friday so that if she decided on the bilateral mastectomy she could opt to have it all done at once. Those results may come in this week but more likely will not arrive until next week sometime. Hopefully that will come back negative as well.

She will have at least one reconstructive surgery after things heal up. If they lymph nodes are not involved there is a good chance there will be no chemo or radiation and she’ll be back to her active lifestyle very quickly (whitewater rafting in September and skiing in November.) She will have to undergo hormone therapy to keep her cancer free. Typically that is a 5 treatment and hopefully that will be the end of the cancer story.

If you want more of her cancer story, you’ll interested in reading her thoughts through this. You can check out her website blog, www.shaunasday.com and get the history and the latest news.

Rob