I'm using my as my journal, so I'm back tracking a little. Forgive the disconnect.
July 17th we head to Boise AGAIN! to St. Luke's for the very important, "Lets look and see if there's anything in the right breast we have to worry about too" test- MRI. If there is then maybe a bilateral mastectomy is a good idea, if not that I can save a boob!!!!! Although, I'm still waiting for the genetic counseling and possible test that states whether I have the breast cancer gene. CAN YOU SEE THE ROLLER COASTER I HAVE BEEN RIDING?!?
7:45am, It is the first appointment of the day. I'm nervous. They are going to, stuff ME in a metal pipe, MRI, for 45min and tell me not to freak out. My man Ray, the MRI tech is great, fun, joking, playful, but I feel confident in his skills, don't know why. I still notice his concern for me. I see his sadness when we go over my medical history. He tells me the procedure that I will be doing will include the Fort Lauderdale college drunk chest flash, soon so I have to take all my upper stuff off, and put on a sheet shirt. I'm directed to an IV room and I'm thinking what?! Poking in my veins for a picture? Not mentally ready for this! He tells me they will shoot me with some radioactive chemicals for the MRI to detect certain abnormal things. He tells me for now its just a saline drip but later when I'm on the table for 30min they will come in and give my the charged stuff.
We walk into the MRI room I have to face down. There is a frame on the table. Made especially to cradle each breast. I have lay like superman. I'm wondering if I can hold it like this for 45min. They tell me if I move at all it will ruin the slides and I will have to come back another day. I cant wait! It took two weeks to get this appointment. I freak! I guess that what they want. I flash Ray while I get all nuzzled in and fly backwards, unlike Super woman on the table. Isn't that ironic? Then I'm assaulted by sound. BUZZZZ, BIP, BIP, NUZZZ,BUMMMMMM. I feel like it is shaking my core, my balanced energy is being scrambled like eggs. I draw upon my mediation training and imagine being on a ocean beach breathing in the salt sea air, watching the seagulls. It helps A LOT! I begin to understand others phobias of this machine.
They come in 30min into tell me not to move, but they are going to give me that radioactive goo. Okay hit me. Then it comes, cold rush, through my brain, makes me want to urinate. OH no!!! I feel dizzy. I remember I have been juice fasting for 4 days. It will hit me harder! I try to breath through until it goes away.
15min later they pull the tray. Its not Ray, a woman who barely talks to me. I just want to know if I did okay. She says "oh sure". Like its no big deal. I want to pinch her. It was a big deal. They walk me past the monitors I see my rainbow colored breasts. I can't tell a thing but I look just in case I can. She won't tell me anything, probably because she cant. Shes nice just quiet.
I dress. In an hour I have an appointment with the genetics counselor Jennifer at the Mountain states Tumor Institute. It is on the same campus as the hospital. She wonderful. She first starts telling us the history of the gene evolution and states the some adaptions were made to help us survive. For example the sickle cell anevolved to help African to fight Malaria. We just don't know why cancer genes purpose is.
She states that she is suspicious that because I was diagnosed so young and my sisters cancer leads her to believe I have a 15% chance it is genetic. She does the whole pedigree chart with me even though I wrote a whole book about it prior to the meeting as requested. Because I have no breast cancer on my mothers side, aunts cousins, that a good sign. But because my father had no siblings we can look at his side that increases my risk by another 10%. Just looking at what my family tree has to not show me she thinks I should take the blood gene test. Costs $3000 but my part would be about $300-$500. I look at Rob he has a look of "there no question, we will do it", in his eyes. They tell I don't have to decide until my insurance gets back to me what my price will be. They take my blood. Here is the bad news. If I do have the gene then there is 50% I will get breast cancer in the other breast and a need to take out my ovaries as well, because they are the producers of the dangerous estrogen food. I would most likely get ovarian cancer too. I will become a boy in girls clothing. If things just didn't look any worse.
On our way down to Utah to meet a 2nd opinion Dr. Neumayer at Huntsman Hospital, out of no where rob looks at me and states "You don't have the gene". I said "Okay"! and felt it!
July 31st Turned out i had to pay $600, 20%, and I'm NEGATIVE! No breast cancer gene. Jennifer also stated that there are 30,000 genes and we were only able to track down two. Because you don't have the breast cancer genes we know about doesn't mean you might not have some kind of cancer gene. I was advised to still tell my siblings to tell their kids that they should get checked starting at 25. I think that freaked them out a little. SO I ask myself why? Why my sister and I ? and so close in time? Exact same cancer as well? Right now I just want to revel in the fact I can keep the other one. HA!
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