Biopsy

July 1st Off to Boise St. Luke's breast center. Big pink ribbon on the building. I sit in the waiting room with a 80+ female, she looks absolutely frightened. "They want to look closure, they never found anything before" It is interesting that we are 50 years apart yet the same thing bounds us. Why do I feel that I'm much worse off then she is, yet I give her calming words "I'm sure its nothing they just want to make sure". HA! I feel better giving the comfort versus receiving it. I'm called in. I have the internal shakes were you act as if your cold but your forehead is perspiring. I'm in a room full of 5 women health care workers, its overwhelming. Dr Macy comes in and they start telling me about their biopsies, they've had tons of them that have negative results, I'm still positive. Lots of pricks but I'm thinking of waterfalls and breathing slowly. I see the enemy on the sonogram and the needle sliding through. "It soft that's good" -says Dr Macy. They make 5 specimens with 5 really annoying loud clicks with the needles and a extra one for good measure. "I can tell you right now it doesn't look very good" My heart pounds, I can hardly hear her, the tears silently come, they pull out the tissues. "i sure you want the truth now,right"? I say of course. Everyone except sweet Karen walks out of the room. She hold the wound site. My sould wounded. It still can't be me. She talks about how its so treatable now. "The good news is we can cure you". BUT IM NOT SICK!!!! I walk out in a stupor . Now its the waiting game. Now I begin to breath and to breath deeply.